7 of 11

Write now Article Tools

When I was in forth grade our beloved teacher passed out Halloween candy, said good-bye to us, then went home and committed suicide. Forty years later I can still see her sitting with her legs crossed at the table as we filed out, smiling at us, her hand with her polished nails placing the Reese's cup in mine. We were clueless.

Dealing with tragedy at the elementary school level takes compassion and an understanding of youthful grief and curiosity. I can't provide you with a guide for handling the situation perfectly, but I can give you some insight on how not too.

Ours was a small town parochial school that had just transitioned from nuns to secular teachers. Our teacher was a modern woman in her thirties. With chic, short blond hair, she wore bright modern clothes, which after years of seeing nuns like large cheerful crows fluttering around, made us think of a beautiful exotic bird. When she died they silently put her in a box and buried her out of sight from us.

The information lid was capped so that only whispers flew around like bats at twilight. She was having an affair and hung herself in shame. She was murdered to cover up the affair. She was driven by demons to kill herself on Halloween. Kids pick up scraps and run with them. We ran like wildfire.

For the next three months we had a succession of substitute teachers with no real form or substance. There was no stability in our classroom and kids floundered. In my memory the room was dark, the lights always off. We cried for no reason, failed to do homework and really felt lost. Finally, we found comfort in a permanent teacher who was kind and matronly but it was late.

This dark mystery lingered like a huge black party balloon that was three days past its helium. You touch it and it creepy crinkles around your fingertip. There was never any discussion of the tragedy and no counselors were brought in. We fumbled through that year and I cannot tell you one thing I learned.

Since we were a small school, most kids started in Kindergarten and went through sixth grade together so that cloud lingered over the beginning of fifth grade as well. We were afraid. We didn't know what to expect. Fortunately, we had a fantastically funny teacher that year. She was very honest and read us "The Hobbit". We trusted her and regained our stability early in the year.

Children are strong, intuitive and creative. When tragedy strikes a classroom, withholding information is a bad idea. Pretending everything is fine and nothing really happened creates fear and mistrust. Delaying necessary communication delays healing.

Learn more about this author, Ginger Sanders.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Dealing with a tragedy in the elementary school classroom?
We want to hear your view. Write now!