by Stacy Jackson

Created on: March 27, 2008   Last Updated: March 28, 2011

Coffee is definitely a health benefit . . . for the coworkers of coffee addicts. Until the coffee addict has had his or her cup of morning joe, an office full of innocents are in peril. The power of a decaffeinated soul is pure evil. The most chipper person is left cowering in the caf-fiend's icy glare. There have been reports of panic attacks, shortness of breath, heart attack, and stroke when dealing with raging coffee addicts who have been deprived of their drug.

True coffee addicts aren't always raging jerks . . . sometimes their lack of caffeine simply makes them sloppy and careless. The groggy addict could trip and fall causing injury to himself and possibly others. On the job, they may upset sensitive readers with emails riddled with typos. These typos can create embarrassing situations from which those involved never recover, psychologically speaking. Imagine the distress you may feel when you read an email from your manager stating that he would like to discuss a "pubic relations" issue with you. It's just too disturbing to think about.

Coworkers and bosses are not the only ones who suffer mental and physical health concerns at the hands of coffee-holics who haven't had their fix. I would venture a guess that road rage and collisions go up when the access to coffee goes down. Not only are innocent drivers harmed by these caf-fiends . . . the coffee drinker him or herself could be physically hurt or very stressed out at best. Do you know what stress does to a person?

Speaking of stress . . . that causes cancer, heart attacks, strokes, migraines, binge eating, binge drinking, and hissy fits . . . and hissy fits are no good for those having them nor for the people upon whom they are thrust. A hissy fit can lead to high blood pressure, migraines, loss of breath, loss of mind, loss of dignity, an aneurysm, cuts, bruises, and internal bleeding. These maladies can affect both the hissy fit perpetrator and those upon whom the fit is perpetrated.

So, people . . . drink your coffee if you want it. It's for your own safety and the safety of those around you. In fact, I think I need a cup right now.

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