by Ann Marie Dwyer

Created on: March 27, 2008

When midlife crisis strikes, men and women deal with it in many different ways. In the quest to hold on to their youth, they buy sporty cars, makeover from hair to wardrobe and/or have another baby.

Incurring a new debt or changing a look may affect your interaction with older children, but introducing a new child into the family presents many complicated situations. Fortunately, each one has a solution.

~~Acceptance of older children~~
As teens are reaching for adulthood, they can be less than accepting of a new baby. While some teens take the sarcastic approach of asking if parents know where kids come from, other teens retreat into solitude at the thought of being replaced.

Candid conversation should solve most teen issues. While not exactly adults, giving teens the chance to air misgivings from their standpoint allows them to show maturity parents may have previously overlooked.

Reassurances that your older child is not being replaced with a newer model or being pressed into indentured servitude as a child care provider will help quieter teens transition to the new baby more easily.

~~Family disenchantment~~
No matter how happy grandparents are with the grandchildren, that happiness does not equal approval of sunset babies as responsible decision-making on their children's part.

Again, an open discussion is in order. Explaining a decision to a parent at as a forty-five year old can be as difficult as for a fifteen year old. Be clear that as an adult, it was your decision to make. Remind them that your parents were not relevant in your choice. Even if the conversation ends in an agreement to disagree, having the conversation is the best course of action.

~~Friend fallout~~
While your peers are planning their second childhood the moment their nests empty, they may openly question your sanity. At this point, two distinct types of friends surface: situational friends and lifetime friends.

Situational friends are your allies as long as your lives travel the same course. This revelation may create a feeling of loss for you, but better to end the closeness amicably.

Realize that this loss is only temporary. New parents will replace these friends. You may just discover a new lifetime friend in the replacement friends.

Lifetime friends love you no matter what you do. These friends will bring you to buy ice cream at 2:00am and help you to pace a hole in the carpet while you chew up a cigar. Count on these friends to help you raise your new baby.

~~Sleepless nights~~
Facing opposition in those around you will sow the seeds of self-doubt. 2:00am is not for ice cream anymore, but instead, for bottles of milk.

Seek peaceful sleep in keeping yourself healthy, physically and mentally. Take care of your body with exercise to build stamina (that baby will be a toddler soon) and your mind with meditation, psychotherapy and peer counseling, singly or in combination.

Embarking on your second childhood with a new child can be a wonderful adventure. Make peace with yourself and your spouse to provide a loving home for your new baby. Midlife crisis does not have to be something to dread.

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