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Gossip contributes to lies and dysfunctional communication in a number of ways. First, gossip never takes place in the presence of the person being discussed; therefore, it lends itself to maliciousness and exaggerations of truth. Have you ever played the game where you sit in a circle and you whisper something in the ear of the person sitting next to you and that person relays the message to the next person and so on? Then the last person in the circle repeats the message out loud. Not only is it never the message you initially started but rarely does anyone in the circle recognize it as something they said. Only by personally relaying your message to the group is the reality of the original message known.

Two things are important to realize from this example. First, messages passed orally change from one person to the next. While in the military we were required to always use a "repeat back" method during professional communications. Using this method we were required to repeat back a command or order verbatim to insure we understood the message. Even while using this message the original meaning could still be lost. My point is, passing a communication orally subjects the message to distortion. It is therefore, vitally important to listen for understanding. Second, to really know the reality of any situation, the message needs to come from those involved. If the situation really requires your involvement then go to the source. This is the absolute best way to avoid or clear up any misunderstandings.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 18:15 that we should go straight to the source: "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone" Obviously this does not always work as well as we would like and it is often difficult for most of us to approach another person in this way. However, this scripture does go on to give us further direction in the event that we are unsuccessful using the one-on-one method. It requires boldness to approach a problem at the source. It takes only weakness to gossip. To abandon gossip you must include the parties involved to discuss the concern. Having people in attendance who are involved with the issue leads to a greater probability of truth and accuracy.

Another way that gossip contributes to lies is that it is never helpful! Sometimes we have discussions under the guise that we are trying to help someone else. Most often these discussions are really a poor attempt at reconciling gossip. Are you having a conversation about someone not present to really help them or just to hear the juicy details and feed your voyeuristic hunger? A conversation designed to help someone else does not need to include details of the situation. Does someone need food, shelter, or clothing? Then arrange that help for them. Does someone need others praying for them? Then ask others to pray for an unspecified situation. The Holy Spirit knows the needs and will address our vague prayers for others.

Gossip is expressly forbidden by scripture and therefore not conducive to a biblical world-view. Proverbs 26:20-26 is an excellent study on gossip. This scripture teaches us that: where there is no gossip, discord ceases; gossips create conflict; gossips can not be trusted; listening to gossip adds fuel to the fire. If we as individuals refuse to take part (spreading or listening) in gossip we become part of the solution. If we gossip, we become part of the problem. Gossip rips apart families and relationships. Refuse to be a part of gossip either through spreading it or listening to it. Remember, if someone will gossip to you, they will also gossip about you.

Learn more about this author, Dr. J. Timothy Neely.
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