by Karen Moore

Created on: March 27, 2008

How do you know enough is enough in a relationship?
To this day I still pass on some words of wisdom my mother shared with me many years ago. I was in an unhealthy relationship and she told me I had to give all I could to the relationship and when I could give no more then it was time to move on. That did not take long to achieve. Her pearl of knowledge has been passed on and helped me explain to many victims of domestic abuse that they are only responsible for part of the relationship their part.

When someone starts inflicting pain, hurt feelings, bruises and blood, enough is enough. Love is not conveyed through a fist, through hateful words given every day or through manipulation and control. Many of these victims said they had no more to give and were absolutely right. They knew enough was enough, but they did not know (or feel) how to take the next step and get away from the abusive partner.

When the spirit is broken to keep trying in a relationship enough is enough. Time is wasted when the spirit is no longer growing. The last two years of my first marriage was wasted time for both of us. I knew in my heart I had no more left to give but the sanctity of marriage is why I held on. This pearl of wisdom came from my father, who said the "until death" vow did not necessarily mean a physical death; it can mean the death of the relationship. Many of those domestic violence victims also got this piece of advice to help them deal with ending something they viewed as sacred regardless of the price they paid.

With several it took hearing advice from several different officers before enough was enough for them. I used to joke that if I had the answers to relationships I would be rich and on Oprah, when in reality no one has all the answers.

Enough is enough when one person in the relationship says they no longer are willing to invest time and energy into the relationship. I would just love to see enough be enough for a lot more victims who bleed in their relationship. In many ways enough comes when one has hit their bottom, similar to an alcoholic who has to hit their own bottom, before they can get out of the relationship mess they are in. Unfortunately, one has to decide this on their own, despite the bruises, blood and broken bones many suffer on a daily basis.

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