8 of 36

Write now Article Tools

What is the function of marriage? Most answers probably include to merge and build families, to establish or expand a home, and to create or provide for children. Does multiple marriage undermine these functions?

Some societies have honored and encouraged multiple marriages, but polyamory is not valued in the modern, industrialized world. Was that a conscious decision of the people, or would many of us be happier with a less Victorian ethic? Perhaps serial monogamy is more natural than lifelong fidelity. Are lasting marriages always fulfilling?

How many longterm marriages hide a secret mistress or back door man? Is this arrangement preferable to divorce? Would you have an unhappy spouse suffer through a marriage that fails to satisfy some fundamental need? Not all marriages turn out to have been made in heaven, no matter how good they looked at the wedding.

The American nuclear family is pretty much an invention of television. Real families are much more complex, multi-generational, and inclusive. Aunts, uncles, and godparents are found at varying distances from the children. People outlive their spouses. Incest and inbreeding are more common than anybody likes to admit.

Two thirds of my siblings were adopted, a twist which complicated our family. We were spread over thirty-some years, much farther than most birth families. My mother was in her early 20s when she adopted my oldest sister at 9 and well into her 40s when my youngest baby brother came along. I became an uncle before I was three months old.

Same sex marriages are growing more common. Many have been excellent foster and adoption homes. In an era of overpopulation and neglected children, we all are served by the recognition that "love makes a family."

Our focus should be upon the children. Divorces don't usually terminate parent-child relationships, so we end up co-parenting with exes and steps. These relationships can be challenging enough without the addition of social judgment weighing against them.

How many marriages are enough? That question may have a different answer for each respondent. I've had a total of twenty-three blissful years of marriage to a series of three beautiful and very different women. I think that's enough. I don't plan to remarry, but who can say for certain? If I do, I'm sure all my ex-wives and my only child will approve.

How many marriages are enough? Whose business is it, other than the participants?

Learn more about this author, Vernon Huffman.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about How many marriages are too many??
We want to hear your view. Write now!