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Well, I am a local. True blue, ridgey didge, dinky di, 100 per cent pure Aussie, so it's easy for me. I can just speak the way I normally do. The question is, if you're not Australian, why would you want to speak like we do?

The answer is that you wouldn't. All you really need to do is understand some of our language quirks. Unlike the French, who will give you credit for having a go at their native tongue, Australians tend to think of any foreigner who uses Strine (the semi-official dialect of the English language native to this country) as a bit of a wanker. Technically, that means someone who likes to slap the monkey, give Mrs Palmer and her five daughters a bit of a work out, or, well I'm sure you get the idea. In the Australian parlance, it is much the same as calling someone a fool or someone who does silly things. Wanker is interchangeable with tosser and dickhead. These are derogatory terms, no question, but they are not usually meant as highly offensive or abusive labels, so if we are travelling and accidentally drop one of these, please don't reach for a weapon.

The next thing you need to know is that we don't speak like either Steve Irwin or Paul Hogan. No-one here says "Crikey" or "Fair dinkum" in every sentence and, if you do so in our fair country, you will most likely be on the receiving end of one of those descriptive labels I've mentioned in the previous paragraph. No-one throws a 'shrimp on the barbie' either. Yes, a barbecue is affectionately called a 'barbie', but Australian's don't eat shrimp. We have prawns and prefer them boiled in salted water. Barbies are used to cook steak and/or sausages and the term 'barbie' is also used to describe a backyard social function very much the mainstay of Australian social culture. I could write entire books on barbie etiquette, but I'll spare you as that probably goes beyond the scope of this topic. We also don't go around everywhere in khaki shorts and an Akubra (an Aussie hat).

Now that we've sorted that out, I should point out that we do speak English and you shouldn't have too any problems being understood here. The issue is really about understanding us. The written word, no problems. Same goes for television - our news readers tend to enunciate very clearly, so you will be able to follow and work out what is going on. Out on the streets, the real Australian vernacular comes into its own. The main thing you will notice is that we tend to speak fairly quickly and run our words into one another. The

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