How Cultural References Affect Attraction

Attraction is never random. It follows certain set rules but in an unpredictable way. We are likely to find that anyone who fulfils our needs on three levels: emotional, physical and intellectual will seem extremely attractive. However, the whole process of attraction gets even more complicated when we examine its cultural references across time.

The idea of marrying for love based purely on attraction is a relatively recent phenomenon. In the 1950s, in response to the question, If someone had all the qualities you desired, would you marry this person if you were not in love?' 70 per cent of women would still have married, even if they didn't love the man. By 1967, 31 per cent of men and 72 per cent of women still said yes', they would, but in 1984 only 11 per cent of men and 13 per cent of women replied affirmatively, a dramatic drop for women since the Fifties. These responses seem to parallel the shift towards women's economic independence and the growing desire for something more exciting from an intimate relationship.

Cross-cultural research has also revealed that, in individualistic cultures (like the US, Canada and Western Europe) behaviour is regulated by individual attitudes and cost/benefit considerations. A couple's emotional detachment from the group is accepted and the nuclear family is regarded as the norm. People in these countries are more likely to be attracted to each other independently of any parental pressure and to marry for romantic/passionate reasons, selecting partners deemed suitable mainly to themselves. Couples setting up their own home on marriage is also expected.

In collectivist cultures (like China, Africa and South East Asia) behaviour is regulated by identification with the group, by parental influence and the strong need for approval and belonging. Desire for harmony within the group is valued and couples are more likely to marry for companionate reasons, choosing partners acceptable to the group and parents and not just to themselves. In these non-Western cultures, love often follows marriage and very seldom precedes it. In these cultures, the behavioural cues are set by the community, especially if that community is small and isolated. Traditions tend to die hard, whereas people in big cities tend to be more flexible.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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