by Kimberly Lee

Created on: March 26, 2008   Last Updated: January 16, 2011

Marriage is hard because, by nature, we are selfish. Marriage means putting someone else above yourself, at least half of the time. Marriage is also hard because men and women are just wired differently. In a marriage we have to learn to connect the wires without getting feedback or an electric shock.
Both sexes are selfish. Not one more than the other but equally selfish. This creates a problem in marriage because marriage is about two people coexisting as equals. Equality does not exist in a selfish mind. Someone is always right and the other person is always wrong. The hard part is learning to put our selfish impulses aside. Often that means making a sacrifice.

Not only do our selfish desires cause marriage to be difficult, the simple differences in the way men and women think causes marriage to be hard. Men like to have answers to problems and be done with it. Women like to talk and be heard. Most often they want to be understood and comforted. Men are not designed for that. This causes huge conflict.

Marriage is most difficult on these points.

1. No one want to admit to being wrong.
2. No one want to be the first to sacrifice.
3. A woman always wants to communicate and talk about feelings.
4. Men want to say how their day was and be done with the conversation.
5. Issues with SEX

Sex seems to be the taboo word when it comes to why marriage is so difficult. But lets face it, you didn't get married to become a nun or a monk.
Sex and intimacy seem to go hand in hand, but in marriage it doesn't work like that. Men need to have sex in order to then be intimate where as women need to feel intimacy in order to want to have sex. Our parents always told us that opposites attract, they just didn't explain how that actually was supposed to work.

Women want to have intimacy through connection, through conversation and understanding. Men want to have intimacy through sex and feeling connected after-wards. It is a hard situation to combine in a way that works for both parties.

Selfishness, basic hard wiring and sex are what make marriage so hard.
The good news is that you can make it last with a lot of hard work.

1. Always be the first one to admit to being wrong.
2. Always be willing to sacrifice.
3. Take the time to listen to each other. A simple sentence of I understand how you feel will go a long way with a woman.
4. Let the man come home and vent and leave it alone for a while.
5. Trade off with sex. Take turns with initiation and when to be intimate.

Marriage is hard work, but if you are willing to put your best foot forward and work hard at it, it will be the best thing that ever happened to you.

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