3 of 30

Write now Article Tools

One of my best friends, Rosie, is dying from excruciatingly painful bone cancer. But she continues to see the humor in situations, and there are many times that we find ourselves laughing hysterically over something.

Rosie was recently prescribed oxycontin, which will hopefully ease her pain yet allow her to be somewhat functional. However, she took almost two weeks to mull over whether she should start taking the medication, and a great many of us attempted to persuade her during that time. Finally, Rosie caved in and agreed to start taking the oxycontin.

A day later, she called me.

"You know how I am," Rosie began. "I just had to get out the literature and read all about the side effects."

"Oh NO," I exclaimed. "Don't you DARE do that! Why, have you ever read the warnings on birth control pills? If every woman worried about the complications, they couldn't GIVE those things away. I know you! You will take the warnings WAY too seriously!"

"Stop interrupting!" snapped Rosie. "OK, so as I was saying, the side effects are frightening! It says I shouldn't take oxycontin if I have had head injuries, asthma or allergies (among other things). Well, as you know, I have all three! So, I called the pharmacist immediately."

Here we go, I thought. I will NEVER get her to see the wisdom in taking the oxycontin now. She already has her resistance up because she doesn't want to take anything addictive like an opiate!

Rosie continued, "I got a lady whom I'd never spoken with before. I told her my concerns. She said it really wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't worry about all the contraindications. You know what that means, right? It's a fancy way to say "side effects"."

"Well," Rosie said, "I told her that I was especially worried about the part where it says you could suddenly stop breathing. I said "You know, ma'am, I'm ready to go, but not quite yet. Although these pills are supposed to stop the pain, this would be a rather drastic way to accomplish that.""

The pharmacist chuckled and assured Rosie that this was highly unlikely. "And," she added helpfully, "If you DO stop breathing, call 911 immediately."

Learn more about this author, SaurKraut.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: What to do when you're sick?
We want to hear your view. Write now!