Ok, so why do so many people think that it's their responsibility to mold their children into their own image? I have recently had people criticize my practice of letting my daughter think for herself, and make her own decisions regarding her personal appearance. Who are we, the thirty-somethings who haven't stepped foot in a middle school or high school in YEARS, to determine what is "appropriate" for kids? Sure, some things are obviously inappropriate, such as foul language, or showing too much skin. But these things are inappropriate for adults too, yet who polices us when we make these faux paus? Usually our peers. So, why should it be any different for a kid?

My daughter is a beautiful young woman, with a kind heart and a level of maturity that a lot of adults I know could take a lesson from. Does she occasionally act like a nave kid? Of course. That's called adolescence. Any of you remember what that's like? Sometimes I wonder. It seems like the "grown-ups" of today have selectively forgotten what it's like to be a teenager (or even pre-teen) with concerns about self-image. What else do these kids have to be concerned with? They don't have bills, careers, mortgages or worries about where their futures are going. They are living in the Now, and the Now is filled with perils that, for some reason, adults seem to think are trivial and unimportant. Well, guess what, folks, they're important to them. And that makes them important.

Cut these kids some slack, people. Let them wear their funky clothes, or their oddly colored hair. What's the worst that can come from that? In ten years, they'll look at their old yearbooks and wonder what they had been thinking. But if you quash their desires to be individuals, guess what. In ten years they'll be in therapy, or worse. And they'll resent you, their parents. Worry more about their actions than their appearance. Try explaining why having sex before you're ready is a bad idea. And why drugs only hurt, no matter how good they may make you feel. And how, now matter what you do in life, you're going to have to be able to read and write, and think logically. This will cause them to be open-minded and free-thinking. Rather than them being the carbon-copies of a past generation that is on the fast track to mediocrity.

Here's an idea. Try some positive feedback. Some support and encouragement. "Gee your hair is a bit wild for my tastes, but if you like it, it's cool." Trust me, some of you adults could use a bit of that. "Gee, those pants are awful tight on you. But if you're comfortable in them, it's cool." Let them make their own mistakes, rather than insisting on preventing them from making yours. And so what if your kid doesn't get straight A's. Not every kid takes to school that well. Not every kids wants to go to college and get a degree and a nice, safe office job. Can you imagine what our world would be like if they did? There wouldn't be any music, any movies, any fiction books. We'd all be living dreary, boring existences, wearing our conservative brown shoes with our corduroys and polo shirts. We'd all go to the same churches, and eat the same foods, and play the same board games with mommy and daddy.

Welcome to Leave It To Beaver-land. Please deposit your soul at the front gate.

Just remember, every time you take away a freedom from your son or daughter, a little bit of their childhood dies. So, select your targets carefully. Life kills youth and innocence just fine. We don't need to help the process.

Learn more about this author, Tom Doolan.
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