Nothing in life is certain....not even paying taxes. Some people don't, you know....pay taxes. Death is certain, and you never know when your number is going to be up. I finally realized this when I figured out that I had spent most of my life trying to fill an empty hole with more emptiness, always looking for quick fixes and just barely eking by. I was always chasing illusive butterflies and rainbows, and reaching for what I thought was my lucky star or brass ring. There were also times when I just kept digging the hole deeper.

Time is short, and the clock is running.

I'm not certain at all exactly when I started to sort all of this out. I think that at some stage in my life it just sort of settled on my shoulders like a comfortable old bathrobe, and all other notions just sort of washed away like dirty bath water.

How on Earth have I made it this far? I have always pushed the very edge of the envelope from the very beginning, jumping as high as I could on the bed, swinging as high as I possibly could on the swing at the park, and then jumping out.

In about the second grade I did a cartwheel down the front steps of our elementary school. That was a huge mistake, because when I finally came out of the cartwheel, I ran smack dab into the flag pole. It should have knocked me out cold. My dear cousin and playground cohort, Judy, was with me. And instead of telling me I had done something incredibly stupid, she put her arm around me and sat me down to soothe me and to check out the huge goose egg rising up on my forehead. She reminded me much later in life that she had dared me to do it, saying that she didn't think she could do it. I could never leave a dare alone, and I just had to show her how. Her nurturing was the best form of apology that she, a second grader, could come up with to ease her own guilt for baiting me.

Some people call it just rambunctiousness, or reckless abandon, but it was always just flat gambling that I'd be all right. I did lose two of my front teeth trying to see how high I could jump on the bed when I was five, but I never broke a leg or an arm jumping out of a swing. This rambunctiousness carried on throughout most of my life.

I couldn't have made this important realization anywhere in grade school or high school. Somewhere though, between the ages of eight and eighteen, I realized that the blond, curly-headed boy with the China blue eyes...the one I had a huge crush

• 1
• 2
• 3
• 4
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Essays: Self reflection?
We want to hear your view. Write now!