by Lightwalker-aka-RamonaJ

Created on: March 25, 2008

Coming out of a bad relationship myself, I struggled to understand why my husband didn't find me as irresistible as I found myself? Why did he find it necessary to rake me across the coals for no apparent reason? Why was his view regarding women, and the roles they play in relationships distorted and archaic? My struggle ended when I sought the answers not from the bad situation I found myself in, but by going deep inside of my self. I realized that everything that I needed to know about my current situation could only be found within me. Often we look at others as the problem and in cases that may be true, but to find the solution, one has to go within their self. Nothing that exist in our reality every happened by chance everything that happens is because we created it. Whether we created it unconsciously or consciously we still created it.

Some may be thinking, "Well, I didn't deserve him or her not listening to me, not valuing me, or cursing me out, punching me, kicking me or spitting on me", and I say to you that these are all hurtful and unfortunate events. Others may think that they were very good to their spouse and gave them everything they asked for putting them on a pedestal, yet all they got were hurt feelings. What I have learned, is that those feelings and thought have to be operating in me, in order for them to be happening to me. Some will think that is totally absurd "How can I be wanting someone to kick me or for the worst spit on me" and I also thought that it was absurd. But, in most cases our mind has a way of playing tricks on us as it misrepresents the true reality. I had issues from my past, in particular issues from childhood that I never dealt with. And, they were so disturbing that I swept them in a back closet in my mind and tried to forget about them. But, they where always there and they were a part of me that I denied. While consciously I represented myself as a well developed individual there was the unconscious hurt and pain I carried that was a part of me, I refused to acknowledge. As a result it continued to play its self out in the very fibers of my existence and in my relationships with others. My ego was telling me I had it together but I really didn't. That's how I was able to find myself irresistible while my husband did not. He represents the hurt and pain I swept in the back closet of my mind. Intense feeling arouse in me how do I get out of this situation. How can I sweep it out of a back door?

I decided to self analyze.

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