by Raven Madd

Created on: March 24, 2008   Last Updated: July 10, 2011

My dad died a few years back from lung cancer. Now I know I'm not the only person to lose their father, especially to cancer. Why my father's death seems to be such an open wound to me is that he wasn't speaking to me. The reason for the silence was over a matter of money, and fault of his anger was my fault entirely. Lets just say my judgement and morals were lacking character. 

My dad tried to be a father to five children. Apparently he was not that great to my older brothers and sisters. My oldest sister is 17 years older then me so how many people are the same person over that long of a time span. At my ripe old age of three dad and mom divorced. Dad moved into an apartment where all the divorced dads seemed to gravitate. I was really to young to know what was going on so I don't feel like it affected me much. My dad and I maintained a bond that was special. As daddy's baby girl it was clear I was favored. 

Over time one brother and I were the only two that maintained any kind of a relationship with him. The death of him was harder due to our animosity but what made it worse is when I was around nine, dad and I went to the hospital to see my sick grandmother. Another victim of cancer. After our visit we were sitting in the car outside the hospital. Even from the backseat my dad's stress was very much apparent. Dad shed a silent tear for his mom was dying and he had been trying to take care of medical bills with limited funds. After a moment of grim silence dad said...

 "Promise me you will take care of me if I ever get sick." Even  at that age his request was no burden or a scary subject for a child like me to handle. I was honored. My immediate answer was what any kid would say to their dad.

 "I promise dad don't worry." I didn't think about that day until after I let him down over a loan, and harsh words thrown about. It wasn't until the phone call came from him, informing me he is sick. He spoke only for a minute in a somber distant tone the lifelong bond was hidden behind one angry stupid move on my part. Dad wanted paid back and I was unable then to make it right. He had every right to be mad and my guilt caused us to kind of giving up on each other.

He suffered through cancer for three years with his new wife by his side. We only saw each other in that span a couple

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>