by Katherine Barnfield

Created on: March 24, 2008   Last Updated: March 25, 2008

Fair-weather friends

Yesterday I took a call from someone I have known for a good many years. Let's call her Jane. She called to ask if I could meet up with her during my forthcoming week off work. So far, so good, despite the fact she has not been in touch with me for some time. Jane's next statement however was to the effect that she would rather be meeting with someone else (a girl she knows I do not like) but that this girl is busy at the moment with her new boyfriend. It could not have been made clearer that Jane only called me because she has no-one else to spend time with. I am told she was surprised that I declined her invitation.

I do not expect always to be anyone's first priority, but neither do I expect to be used only as a contingency plan.

A few years ago, Jane, and lots of other people were calling me all the time. At the time I was doing really well. I always had money to spare as I was in a better job than any of my friends following a lot of hard work and ensuing rapid promotion. I was popular, to the point where I often found myself sacrificing things I wanted to do, and my own quiet time to spend time with my friends. I saw Jane at least three times a week.
I met a man, younger than myself, who just couldn't get enough of me. He told me all the time that he loved me and that one day it would not be me paying for everything. Each time I gave him money, or bought all the drinks, he waxed lyrical that he would do the same for me if our roles were reversed.

I lost the job. Suddenly I was trying to survive on DSS money while looking for work, and although I found something quite quickly, I took a huge drop in salary. For nearly a month, I could not afford to go out at all, only just scraping up enough money to eat.

So, I expect you have guessed hat happened to my friends. Jane phoned me once during that month and said it would be nice to see me once I could afford it. My boyfriend saw me twice. He refused to visit me at home, preferring to go out drinking with Jane and her partner. He is not my boyfriend any more.

Now, I am quite comfortable financially, and rebuilding my social life, but am being careful who I make friends with. I would rather have two or three really good friends, than a thousand people who will dessert me when I need them. I will go for quality rather than quantity anytime.

A real friend will be there for you under any circumstances. Luckily, I have a few of these too, and it is one of them I chose to spend my time off with.

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