by Chris Rieman

Created on: November 26, 2006   Last Updated: November 07, 2008

Perhaps the greatest phrase ever turned inside an automotive showroom is the infamous (or perhaps notorious) "Let me run some numbers and I'll be right back."

Every over-aged overweight salesman has used this line. It doesn't matter if he's selling Pontiacs or Bentleys. And the funny thing is, they actually believe we're stupid enough to think they have no idea how much their product costs, and a meeting of the minds must take place to give us a "better deal than the last guy because he was a jerkweed, and quite frankly, we've only known you for 10 minutes and hmm, that's a nice jacket."

Apparently nobody has ever sold this particular car before in this particular color and trim, so rather than leave everything to chance, the sales guys are going to crack skulls and work extra hard just for you.

So the 58 year-old salesman goes where all salesman go to "run the numbers and be right back": the Big Counter in the Back. Of course, every Big Counter in the Back is 8ft tall so you can't see over it. This is where the supposed Sales Manager lives and works. You never get to meet the Sales Manager. Hell, you never even get to see him. For all you know he doesn't exist. There might be a guy back there, there might not. There might be a guy back there banging the finance secretary, there might not. There might not even be a finance secretary because you never get to see her either. So we don't know who he's banging.

What we do know is the salesman who introduced himself to you is "there to fight for you." He's on your side, working hard so you get the best deal. You deal directly with him and nobody else because that's "the only way I work for my customer." He's the "Head" salesman. Everybody else just works the phones and sharpens pencils, but you've got the guy who gets things done. Notwithstanding the fact that he has to go talk to his imaginary friend to "run the numbers."

The spoof on "running the numbers" is they already ran the numbers. That's all they get done doing. They sells cars. They know what they bought them for. They know their margin for each car. What's left to uncover? They ran the numbers on the same car 10 times yesterday and they all ended up in the same place firmly up someone's backside crack.

So the guy goes up to the counter, walks behind the counter, and starts talking to either himself or the imaginary Sales Manager who is really "Just the Guy at the Computer." Nobody else knows how to use a computer, that's why sales guys have nothing but an adding

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