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Everything she knows anyway. She tells him I'm going to college, and that I've gotten accepted everywhere I applied. She tells him she is proud of me and she knows he is too. She tells him she misses him. That she loves him and wants him home. Then she cries harder. I know Daddy looks over me from wherever he is. I know he can hear me and see me and that he protects me. But I haven't found the words to talk to him yet. It's just so weird. He isn't going to answer. Maybe I expect him too or want him too and knowing he won't keeps me from talking. I'll talk one day, when I'm ready and he is ready to listen.

For now though I will walk into school and sit in class and pay attention and act like it doesn't hurt even though it hurts more and more each day. Each day that goes by is more of a reality check that Daddy really isn't coming home and that I'm not that 10 year old girl crying on the front porch anymore either. Nope, I am 18 year old, as of today, trying to find my place in this world with out a father or a mother for that matter, to guide me along the way.

It's all right though because I've made it. I'm strong and independent. I had no choice, I needed to make more of myself, I needed to get out there and keep going even with the pain so I didn't end up like my mom. I used to want to be just like her. She always did things perfectly; she was flawless in my eyes. They way she would come and wake me up in the morning looking more beautiful then the day before. How she made my lunches with little love notes in them. The way she smelled and laughed. The way she was caring and loving to everyone and everything around her. I guess daddy made her flawless, because after he died she fell apart. I watched her crumble and finally fall. Just like the towers.

Learn more about this author, Brit Lynn.
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