Someone I hold very dear had an abortion 18 years ago this month. She was just 16 at the time.

Her father made her have the operation very much against her will and there's no doubt that her life would've been very different if it hadn't happened. In one sense you could understand the abortion being the right decision at the time as she was very young but I feel she now regrets not standing up for what were her rights.

Sometime after undergoing the operation, she revisited the hospital to visit the sister of the father of her child who had just given birth herself. In going to the ward she had to walk past the room where the abortion had taken place which understandably brought all the emotion and guilt back. Fortunately she had the support of her boyfriend to help her through this difficult time.

Several years later her father asked if she had any regrets about what happened almost expecting her to thank him but she said: "Yes, very much so. I wish I'd never done it."

He has never mentioned it again.

Since then she has even told me that if the abortion had gone wrong meaning she could never have had children of her own, she would NEVER have forgiven him. Fortunately that's not been the case and she now has a lovely family.

It maybe that the age of 18 holds special significance now and I sense a feeling of guilt as to what happened. That this child - a boy - would've grown up and should be now making their own way in the world as a man. Being a mother of an adult is very different to that of a junior school child. Would they be living at home, at university or even married with a child themselves?

Once upon a time I was very much pro-abortion, or rather, pro-choice to be precise. At that time I was single but now being a parent makes you look at life very differently because I now see a baby as a real person. As they develop you find ways to communicate and it is definitely a stage-by-stage process. This why the unborn child is still person who is just going through a life development stage.

Does this make me look at this person, or her father for that matter, any differently? Absolutely not. The decision was taken with the best of intentions but being in that situation at only 16 years of age is one that is difficult to comprehend, particularly as a man. I'm sure she felt very vulnerable and afraid and as I didn't know her at the time it would be impossible to judge how things were.

We should never judge in these circumstances, just provide support and understanding and to be there as a friend.

Learn more about this author, Jeremy Orbell.
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