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As Christmas drew near I began to prepare
I was nice to my sister, quit pulling her hair
I visited Santa, he works at the mall
He asked "Were you good?", I proceeded to stall

There's no need to lie, you see all that I do
You know i'm the one who burns bags filled with poo
"It was me and I'm sorry." I said in his ear
I then backed away, Santa smelled like a beer

With a tug it was clear that his beard wasn't real
I told you my secrets! You're not the real deal
I've been tricked! double crossed! I've been lied to by all
I then leaped from his lap and ran home from the mall

I confronted my sister to see if she knew
With feelings of anger beginning to brew
How could they lie to me, How could they dare
All this for nothing, no pulling of hair

I couldn't believe this had all been a scam
I'd been lied to for years, I could only say "Damn!"
My mother and father were in on it too
And soon they reminded me, "Son, you're a Jew!"

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