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and wine glasses is replaced with the sounds of glass smashing, abusive language and threats of violence. The Little Lady takes no notice as she can be heard screaming with laughter interspersed with every four letter word she can fit in any given sentence. The children are alternately screaming with joy or shrieking in terror.

However, generally speaking things really only deteriorated once our neighbors from hell had their pool installed ... directly along our adjoining fence line. Now the season of spring through to summer means the constant sound of screaming and squealing of children drowning each other while various adults again use this as an excuse for outdoor drinking and smoking of weed.

On top of screaming children, add the sound of a yapping little dog to the mix and maybe you have some idea as to why I have developed a facial tic. This dog is the size of a large rodent but has the vocal chords to match his owner's. Rocky, as he is named, obviously is a nervous type of dog who barks at anything and everything. When we close our back door, Rocky barks. When we close our bathroom window, Rocky barks. If I sneeze in the kitchen, Rocky barks. And once he starts he doesn't stop. It generally takes the Little Lady to scream like a banshee at Rocky to "shut the hell up"!

You would think that by the time midnight rolls around things would start settling down. No! This is the time to start cranking it up another notch with the introduction of their own personal karaoke machine. So from about midnight till about 3am we lay in bed grinding our teeth through every B-grade movie soundtrack being screamed out as they take turns butchering various songs.

By 4.30am the party is starting to break up. The guests take turns shouting out their goodbyes to their hosts. These drunken, dope-addled stragglers then get in their various vehicles, rev their engines and then race each other through the streets of our quiet little suburb.

By the time the rest of the neighborhood is getting up to start their weekend these people have finally shut up and gone to bed. Unfortunately, as it is only Saturday morning we brace ourselves for the rest of the weekend to come.

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