Team sports offer kids the opportunities to build lifelong skills in teamwork, camaraderie, fitness, self-esteem, accomplishment, and good sportsmanship. Sports can also bring out the best-and the very worst-in kids and their parents.

GETTING STARTED
Allow kids to select their own sporting activities. Make sure that sports are fun for your child. Forcing a child into any voluntary activity can dash their self-esteem and thwart their decision-making skills. Start off with recreational level sports. Recreational centers, park districts, and YMCAs usually offer various recreational sports. Competitive level sports require try-outs and high levels of dedication and commitment, often at the expense of other school and social activities. At a competitive level, a child must be intrinsically motivated to play-and work-hard.

SIDELINE BEHAVIOR
Always support all team members, calling out the names of all the other kids just as much as you call your child's name. Always shout out positive comments, like "Nice try!" "Way to go," "Awesome." Sideline coaching can actually decrease the player's ability to process information and hinder their ability to make inner-directed decisions.

TO LEARN THE RULES...OR NOT
Well, if you can learn the sport rules, refrain from sideline coaching, make only positive shouts during the game, and avoid criticism, then learn the rules. If you tend to be perfectionist, especially about your child's performance or insist that your child play like you do, or anticipate any negative behavior on your part, then DON"T learn the rules. You can still have a good sense about the quality of coaching. Sometimes your sense of coaching quality can be better by not knowing all the rules.

THE COACH
Be sure that the coach insists on proper safety equipment and procedures, encourages hydration, models good sportsmanship, insists on fair play, and adheres to the rules. In that order. Do not confuse these traits with your own child's playing time. Let the coach COACH. Direct all concerns or problems about the coach to the coach. Depending on the nature of your concern, decide if you initially want to speak privately with the coach before bringing in your child. Communicating with the coach usually produces better results than sideline mudslinging or ventilating.

PARENTS' ROLES
It can be good to be the coach-if you truly know the game, understand what is expected for each child's developmental level, encourage rather than criticize or yell, and can take the heat from parents who have not yet refined their good sportsmanship skills. A sport offers many roles for those who know that coaching is not their forte. The team parent organizes post-game snacks, uniform deliveries, team parties, and those famous fund-raisers by getting all parents involved. Also, if parents show some inappropriate behavior, consider a behavior contract for all parents and all players. On competitive teams, someone needs to organize hotels, carpools, flights, rental vans, room assignments, laundry duty, and room monitor. And some parents have the temperament just to sign up to bring the snacks once or twice.

IT'S JUST A G-A-M-E
After each game or practice, allow your player to talk. Avoid criticism. Provide positive comments to encourage your child to relate her thoughts on performance, team dynamics, disappointment, contentment, winning, losing, or whatever is on her mind. Encourage adequate ventilation. After a reasonable time, it's over. When it's over, it's over. Time to move onto other aspects of a well-balanced life. Enjoy the fun and life lessons that sports have to offer your star! Let the games begin!

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Learn more about this author, Toni Thompson.
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