by Leanne M Wormald

Created on: March 20, 2008

LOVE AND FEAR

I am a rock
As I always claim to be
Or nothing but a fearful child
Trying to tip-toe through the world
Unharmed
Unhurt
And by unloving,
Unliving.

Am I cold as corpses
The ice-queen standing stoic
Or hiding behind a stony faade
The shadow me crouched behind
In fear
Of being broken.

The tender threads of my soul
Pure and white
Like veins through marble
But destroyed

Trust ruptures
Heart unwinds
Soul collapses
The marble crashes down
Split
By chisels of betrayal.

So I turn away
Running
Never letting my heart peek through
Always hidden
Sheltered in a bony cage
Like an eggshell to a yolk.
Shell-less leaves me liquid,
Seeping into the ground
Disappearing
Unseen
Unheard
Myself forgotten.

No small task
Letting go
Opening the portcullis to emotion
So afraid of what may come.

What happened to the lion I was?
A kitten now stands in its place
So small
So weak
Mewing pathetically
Don't bag it up
And take it to the river
The pain will be a vortex
Sucking my breath away
Draining my soul.

Tormented by imagination
Waves crash
A fragile raft in a vast sea.
Dark clouds rumble,
Pendulous and stormy
Hanging in the air like my dread.
The impending storm
The harbinger.

The claws of trepidation
Slash my actions
Mediate my feelings
Stay my heart
Grasping the fluttering mass of bloody muscle
With gnarled, skeletal fingers.

Paranoia multiplying,
Breeding fears,
Feverishly dreaming raven futures.
Even if joy-peppered
Why martyr my soul
When day is done
The light is gone
And I am left cold and empty
Devoured.

A splintered rock,
An empty shell
Defiance and pride
Strength and honour
Dignity and power
Distant memories.

But then,
If bulbs feared the cold,
Spring would miss its happy welcome.
Crocuses and snowdrops
Would slumber in their hole
Scared of icy death.
Unliving.
Baby birds would huddle in their nests
Fearing the drop,
That begins the flight
Little turtles would linger on the shore
Called by the sea
Death waits on the shores
Death waits in the waves
But only the waves tempt life.

I am a rock,
I am that lion,
And I will not lie down in the darkness
Submitting to apprehension
Scared to soar into the sky
Or to swim into the ocean's wide arms.
I will not be content
With tasteless existence
For fear of being broken.

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