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The Key Components of Physical Attraction

There seems to be certain tendencies regarding attraction. We are likely to take as partners people we perceive to bear roughly the same level of physical attractiveness as we do, and the more attractive we are, the less we seem to rate the appeal of others and the more self-centred we become. On the other hand, the lower the esteem and confidence felt, the more likely that person will rate the object of his desire as even more attractive than he considers himself to be. For most of us, appearance governs many of our preferences and choices. Though many attractively packaged items tend to lead to disappointment when we fail to find what we expect inside, many of us continue to make decisions regarding very important aspects of our lives based largely on appearance and superficial perception.

However, physical attraction is not just about looks, body form, shape, hair and eyes. It also incorporates material things (such as money, possessions, status, success), the lifestyle enjoyed and level of personal creativity. The physical part of the attraction process is very powerful because it has to fit a sort of identikit based upon a mental image we usually have in our heads of what the perfect partner' should be like. When we see someone with the physical characteristics which match such ideals as being tall, dark, and handsome', a blonde bombshell', or a Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt lookalike' we get very excited indeed. Somewhere in our psyche it registers as this is the one!', hence the ensuing chemistry which develops. Starting a new relationship thus begins with some form of physical attraction, but it depends upon mutual commitment and maintaining a genuine loving attitude for it to be successful. In our current commitment-phobic world, relationships do not stand a chance after the initial attraction phase. This leads to a negative circle of unfulfilment as the parties, through their own efforts at avoidance, sabotage their opportunities with regular non-commitment, which repeats itself with doom-laden regularity.

If we rely strictly on the narrow definitions of what is attractive, we are likely to miss other people, for example across age, class or cultural lines, who do not entirely fit the expected mode but may have some desirable characteristics which are not immediately apparent. As Norman Mickey writes in Reversing the Attraction Process: "The problem (of attraction) is compounded when something we want is scarce. The law of supply and demand increases competition for a prized object. Meanwhile items in greater supply are devalued, overlooked or taken for granted. In the dating world the prize for many is the physically desirable person the gorgeous, shapely, young woman or the tall, handsome man with the appearance of success. Many of us are too busy focusing on the ten per cent who have the most desirable physical attributes we seek to pay much attention to the 90 per cent who don't. But catching a trophy' wife or husband is very unlikely due to their short supply. Nevertheless, some persons focus exclusively on these relationship candidates, seemingly blind to their own shortcomings, and unwilling to consider the other possibilities available. Of course, this scarcity, by its very definition, leaves some persons continually frustrated in their efforts."

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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