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Satire: Politics

Wouldn't the presidential debates be a lot more exciting if the phone lines stayed open for two hours after the debates and we could call an 800 number or text message our vote for the winner? The entire Presidential race should be more like "American Idol" in my book. Three media commentators, one male Republican, one female Democrat and one cynical Independent (possibly named Simon) would scour the country at large stadiums for potential candidates who each "audition" with their two minute political platform. The auditions would be open to both those with government experience, and anyone else with an opinion to share, ranging from farm subsidies to Britney's parental attributes.

The chosen candidates receive a "golden chad " to travel to Washington, D.C., where they perform their platforms again and are whittled down to twenty four semi-finalists. Then twelve chosen finalists debate before the nation's cameras on a different topic each week, led by an ever-smiling show host. Viewers eliminate one candidate per week based on content, elocution, passion of delivery, whatever Simon says, and proper pronunciation of words like "nuclear".

When the competition comes down to two candidates, the phone lines stay open for four hours that night, and the whole election is decided in a jiffy by Verizon and Cingular. The winner becomes President and gets a Hollywood contract to record his or her favorite State of the Union address on CD. I mean, who needs a two party system, delegates, months of campaigning, trudging to the election booths on a cold November morning, and the repetitive pundits on Sunday morning television. Who needs blistering negative commercials, e-mails from the candidates filling our inboxes and an endless season of primaries? We wake up to these political realities every day, so why not resolve them with some of the finer solutions offered by reality television?

Instead of a 200 year old voting process mired in difficulties, I vote for the new American virtues of reality television, text messaging, and the American Idol electoral process. It's time for a change, and for us Idol fans, our time has come.

Learn more about this author, Dana Jaffe.
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