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With the latest headlines coming out of New York's capitol, you won't find many to disagree with the assertion that men frequently do dumb things, especially in the arena of sex and relationships. On its face, the issue at hand has a great deal of emphasis on the legalities involved. Every news media outlet has been very clear on the point that the investigation did not unfold over sex, but over banking irregularities. The governor's involvement with call girls seems to be developing as a side bar, when in fact, so far as his ability to lead with credibility, that is precisely the heart of the matter. Had any other reason existed for him to move that kind of money around, he would probably still be safely in office, the legalities taking up the side bar.

The former governor's situation is not unlike the countless other men in similar, less noted circumstances. We hear, especially when things like this splash themselves all over the news, that men crave sex on such a primal level that if they are not getting enough from their partner, they will seek it out wherever they can get it. Not true, plain and simple. Does it appear that way? Yes, but it also appears that mountains in the distance move slower than road signs right next to your car as it zips along the highway. The fact is both are standing still, but you can't see that until you stand still, too. Things are what they are, but seldom understood as they are commonly seen. Spitzer is just one example of many men who wanted (not needed) sex from someone other than their partner and put in place elaborate steps to make certain that he got it. But for reasons that will take a good deal of the rest of his life to appreciate, he has done something else. He stood up, albeit under the threat of disaster, and took responsibility fully upon himself. And he did so publicly. He did not just say he did the wrong thing, he also expressed his willingness to make things right. This is key because it is not the norm. Too many of us are far too willing to glibly adopt a stance so tragically popular, to avoid that loathsome creature within.

We are taught from early ages many qualities, some confusing, many conflicting, that we must learn to possess or at least appear to possess. If for any reason we do not possess enough of these qualities, in the proper intensity and measure, we are sent the unmistakable, often unspoken message that we are missing something essential in our manhood. We are expected to embody the stereotypes of the lady's man and the man's man. The two conflict radically, and since there is no way to actually meet this mark, we barricade ourselves behind an assortment of masks, fronts and social niceties the world expects us to possess. We would rather do this than look ourselves in the eye and get control of that man and its passions and really understand who he is, the good, the bad and the stuff that doesn't really matter. Too many of us find it far too easy to accept asylum in the ready made excuses, composed of half truth and outright myth about what it means to be a man.

Learn more about this author, Ken Thomas.
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