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Almost every morning now I wake up to the chirps of our little girl. After a diaper change and the commencement of the coffee pot I wander back into my own bedroom with a steaming cup dosed with sugar and set it next to my sleeping husband. I am not a wife who is subservient. I do this because I am trying to be considerate, helpful, and perhaps loving? The little things you have with each other are what matter the most. Random acts of kindness transcend any relationship. Once you lose your compassion and your patience then you lose the most important pieces.

There is nothing easy about relationships. Nothing. From the first awkward and intense moment you look at each other you have set yourself up for a life of compromise, cooperation and forgiveness. These are not necessarily ideals that we lovingly embrace in our fast paced society. In the beginning when you are still smitten and kissing and cuddling at the movies and holding hands everywhere you go it isn't hard to hold the door open or get someone his coffee. Even to the somewhat strained moments on the phone when you are calling just to check up him and to interpret in some subtle nuance in his voice that you are definitely still the only one. Every moment you spend in this relationship is one step away from that uneasy twitterpation that is what a lot of people believe relationships to be: everlasting twitterpation. If we were all Cinderella living happily ever after forever and ever that may be the case, but in the real world most people move in together and suddenly you don't understand why your lovey dovey new roommate is incapable of taking out the trash or closing the bathroom door to pee. And for some reason you have overlooked the fact that you have stopped wearing your sexy unders and fancy perfume because why do you have to impress him, he's right next to you and as far as you know, not going anywhere.

This is the moment you `have to stop and evaluate your relationship. Those comforts are important for intimacy but what hurts relationships the most is our incredibly human ability to take other people for granted. Once you stop recognizing your spouse as the snuggling boyfriend you had in college and seeing him as a stressed out head of a household. Once you start putting yourself into generalized roles you are losing the closeness you once had together as a couple.

Having children is also one the biggest changes a person will ever have in their life, and you should consider yourself blessed to have each other to experience the incredible miracle together, however, it doesn't make diaper changing sexy in any way. Make sure to let other people take care of your kid so that you can take care of yourselves.

The most important advice I could possibly give to people just "surviving" their relationship: be kind to each other, make time for each other, and always remember that even though it feels like it sometimes, it isn't always about you.

Learn more about this author, Rebekah Oakley.
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