9 of 23

Write now Article Tools

An adjustment of attitude in a parent can not only improve the results of discipline, but it can strengthen the bond between parent and child immeasurably.

Most of us have feelings of insecurity at least occasionally, regarding whether our child will obey us or not. The default attitude towards discipline in many parents seems to be authoritative. The "Because I said so" approach seems to still hang over from previous generations.

I've found that the most effective way to change the dynamic between parent and child regarding discipline, from a struggle to a partnership, is with the following approach.

The first thing to change is your perspective. For successful discipline, a parent needs to believe that he/she is in control. And as the parent, you ARE in control. Whether you use that control and respect it or not is, of course, up to you. But you do have it. You have the power to give, and you have the power to withhold. Your child (unless there's something we don't know about him or you) is not able to physically wrestle you in order to force you to give him that toy or treat. He is (presumably) not capable of driving himself to the playground or beach.

We feel a compulsion to struggle with our children over discipline because of emotional stress. This can be relieved by reminding yourself that your child cannot *make* you do anything. You choose to do, or to not do. And, most importantly, as long as your reasons for discipline, along with your overall focus, are your child's best interests, there is absolutely no cause for feelings of guilt.

Now here's where the REAL power comes in: Remember that you are on your child's side - and let him know that. Your reason for any particular discipline should always be for your child's ultimate good. If, for example, your child is watching too much television, your reason for restricting television before school in the mornings is clearly for his own benefit. If your focus is genuinely on the benefit of your child, you have nothing to feel defensive or angry about. You can say, in the nicest possible way "I'm sorry sweetheart, I know you REALLY want to watch that program, and I know it's frustrating, but unfortunately I'm not prepared to allow you to have problems concentrating in school." Explain to him the knock-on effect into adult-hood. The consistent inability to concentrate in school leads to a drop in self esteem, which can in turn lead to problems in finance, career and relationships as an adult.

It's highly unlikely

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Is parent attitude the key to effective discipline??
We want to hear your view. Write now!