by Janice Day Sirman

Created on: March 17, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I am now fifty years old, so my testimony on adopting an older child is in retrospect. I have one birth child, who is now a twenty-six years old. My pregnancy was fraught with drama almost from the beginning. the doctors advised an abortion,which is totally against my religious and moral beliefs. I was told that my son would most likely either be disabled or stillborn. Needless to say, the doctors did not think I should or even could have another child. Our son was born perfectly healthy in every way. Even the doctors said it was a miracle.WE were very thankful.

Ignoring the doctors advice, I continued to try to have more children. No could say why exactly, but this was not to be. I was raised in a family of six,and knew I that I didn't want to raise an only child. Having been a teacher for years, I was ready to embrace any child who needed a Mama. My husband was not quite as sure about adoption but he was willing to try,so we became foster parents. Our thinking was that this would allow us to ease into a new relationship. Our first and only foster child became our son. I received a call at work asking me if we were willing to take a "slightly" hyperactive eight year old boy. We went and picked him up that n night for a short visit and he never left.

Abe turned out to be more than slightly hyperactive. He was clinically ADHD and due to being moved to several foster homes, and some devastating losses in his life, a very confused child. It soon became obvious that this was going to turn out to be a huge commitment, one which would stretch our patience and ideals to the limit.There were days when even we thought we were crazy, but we hung in there and never gave up.

There were good times and rewards, of course. One definite plus was that the two boys bonded almost instantly, and became "brothers" in their hearts. This is a bond that holds strong even today. They are now thirty and twenty-six. Noah was three and Abe was eight when they met. When Abe was eighteen he married, and has made me a grandmother five times over. We talk almost daily, and he is doing very well. He is my son, and always will be. Despite all the problems, and rough patches, I have no regrets about adopting him. A couple of years ago, he introduced me to one of his friends. He told the young man "This is my mother, the one who put up with me, when even I didn't want to put up with me". Truly the rewards for adopting an older child for me are sweet.

What would my advice be to people considering an older child? Older children need homes too, and it is harder to find them a "forever" family than a tiny baby. There are older children available for adoption right now, and there is usually awaiting list for babies. Be tough, be strong, and the rewards can be many.

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