by Michelle Shelton

Created on: March 16, 2008   Last Updated: July 21, 2009

Is a parents attitude the key to effective discipline? Yes! There are nine words that will most certainly impact your child's behavior more than anything else! Take this simple test to see how your child could be impacted.

Step 1: Listen to yourself for this phrase:

"How many times do I have to tell you?"

If you are saying this phrase to your children, more than likely you may be struggling with children that are unhappy, unmanageable, whiny, screamers, hitters, biters, unsociable, and down right hard to handle. These children may behave when you are with them but the minute your back is turned, they do the dastardly deed.

Why do these 9 words have such an impact on your child's behavior? This type of discipline is called threatening / repeating parenting. The parents that use this type of parenting are consistent in it - which is funny because it really is an INCONSISTENT way to parent a child and I think it is even cruel. This type of parenting produces insecure, selfish, angry, and sneaky children. These children are often so out of hand that the parents will turn to labels such as ADD, ADHD, Autistic. Often they are medicated to correct this behavior. The frightening thing is? It is learned behavior. It is actually taught to the child by the parents. Not intentionally mind you but if you run over someone while driving and don't do it intentionally, they are still dead, aren't they?

It amazes me to see that people will spend years in school training themselves to make a living yet they will not read a book on how to parent a child. They are educated in a variety of things and will learn to be efficient in cooking, gardening, sewing, finances, working on the computer and more, but they won't teach themselves to be a better parent!

Depending on the temperament of the child, the poor behavior that stems from this type of parenting can be extreme or mild. Some children don't test the limits of authority, others will. If you have a strong willed child he will ask over and over until he gets his way or he will simply demand his way in a variety of fashions such as screaming, temper tantrums, or stomping of feet. He may also just wait until you are out of sight to do what he wants, you could have a real problem on your hands once he is older than 4. These children are usually aggressive toward siblings and playmates and don't like to share or play with others. They are used to getting their own way by pushing for it. They push and push and push until your

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