by Catrina Bradley

Created on: November 21, 2006   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Ten tips for a lasting marriage:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff. When you are tempted to blow up at your spouse, ask yourself, "How important is this really, when compared to the big picture?" If it is insignificant, don't blow up - blow it off.

2. Do talk about it. If you can't blow it off, don't hold it in. Those little things will eat at you and fester inside, until you find yourself enraged. The resulting explosion can be devastating.

3. Think before you speak. The old saying "count to 10" has its merits. Take time to think and to formulate your words before you blurt out something hurtful. Your spouse is more likely to listen to your complaints if they are presented logically.

4. "I" not "you". If your spouse has done something that has upset you, and you really need talk to him about it, don't put him on the defensive. Instead of, "You made me angry when you did...", say, "I was hurt by...". This gives him the chance to respond to your reaction, not defend his action.

5. Your tone of voice speaks louder than your words. The way you speak to your spouse can say more than the words from your mouth. Even loving words can be hurtful when spoken with the wrong tone of voice. Think honey, not vinegar.

6. You are a team. A team has to work together in order to pull the load. Pulling against each other will only drive you apart, and no progress will be made.

7. Marriage is a journey, not a destination. Each of you will change and grow throughout the years. Don't expect your spouse to always be the same person you married. Marriage is just the first step of a long life together.

8. It is OK to disagree. You are two different people who have joined your lives to become one. You will have differing opinions. The key is to talk out the disagreements, and learn to give in sometimes. You will not always get your way, and expecting to will lead to trouble.

9. Share everything. Now that you have joined your lives, what is his is hers and vice versa. You have one life together, not two lives together. You are not roommates. There is no room for selfishness in a successful marriage.

10. Love is not just a feeling. True love is an action - be sure to show love in what you do, not just what you say. Actions really do speak louder than words.

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