I was 14 years old when my mom died of colon cancer. I still have a very hard time with it, because I blame myself. She had just turned 40 years old in November,and she died in December. I was supposed to be at the hospital in Omaha at 6:30 in the morning for some test results, well, I didn't make it! My mom passed away at 6:28 in the morning. I never even got to tell her I loved her or tell her good- bye or see her face one last time. I never even told her tha I was sorry!

I lived with my mom since I was 12 years old and I never knew my mom was sick until one day I came home from school and there was a note on the front door to our apartment saying for me to go to my Grandmas house. So, my friends drove me to my Grandmas house, I went inside and my Grandma had 2 baskets of clean laundry for me and a note from my mom saying I was to go live with my dad and my step-mom because she was at the hospital and didn't know when she would be comming home. I started crying and asked my Grandma what hospital she was i and why was she there. This is how I found out my mom was dying of cancer..standing in the middle of the dining room with a basket of laundry in my arms and my friends sitting outside waiting for me.

I left the clothes there and I ran out to the car and told my boyfriend(who was driving at the time) and my friends to take me to the hospital in Omaha. So we first drove to my boyfriends moms house to get some gas money and try to stomach something to eat. Then we were off and on our way to see my mom. I couldn't even think about what was really happening right then, I just kept hearing the voices in my head telling me it was my fault and I remember wanting to just jump out ot the car and die.

This was the first time my mom ever met my boyfriend. And come to find out my mom knew his mom and my one and only brother used to date his older sister. So, my mom called his mom and they came to the arraingment of me staying with his mom until my mom was able to come home.(this way I wouldn't have to go live with my step-mom,in which was not so nice to me)

Now listen up,because this part gets a little confuseing!

Cancer was not the only disease my momhad to deal with. My mom also had some mental illnesses which she never seeked help for,and the one that twas the worst was OCD(Obssessive Compulsive Disorder) My mom cleaned and dusted everything everyday and I was not aloud to touch anything or she would completely and utterly flip out. We all had our

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