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before school and finding myself smoking them at night before bed.

I didn't understand the power of addiction and before I realized it I was smoking on a regular basis, something I had promised myself I would never do. And that was it. I was an official cigarette smoker and would be for the next twenty years.

I became a professional at quitting smoking. I knew every trick in the book to give up those nasty cancer sticks but my longest attempt lasted only about nine days. I always started out with the best intentions. I would crumple up my pack of cigarettes and drown them under water. I did that at least once a week. But more times than not, within a few hours, I would dig those broken and wet cigarettes out of the trash and dry them in the oven.

I alternated from quitting smoking and swearing I would take those cigarettes with me to the grave. Quitting was too difficult, after each failed attempt, I would vow to never quit smoking again.

But smoking in today's day and age isn't the same as it was back in the 1940's when everyone smoked. The kids were being taught in school that I was going to die because I smoked. That created a whole lot of unnecessary quilt within me and fear within them. I tried to explain, "Yes the cigarettes might eventually kill me someday, but not today." My kids didn't understand matters of death and dying. I actually thought it was cruel to tell my kids that their smoking mother wasn't going to live very long. I felt that was deceptive and manipulating. And it only made it harder for me to enjoy my cigarettes.

The day I actually quit smoking wasn't much different than any other day. I had been to a meeting the night before and a friend inquired, "Do you enjoy your cigarettes?" I replied, "I usually do, not always, but I will never quit smoking because it is too hard." He shared with me that he had quit and it was the greatest decision he ever made. He talked about having more time in his day and having more air. He said it felt amazing walking up a flight of stairs without running out of breath. He mentioned the freedom he had in the morning to take quiet walks and spend time with God.

My mornings consisted of four or five cigarettes and a pot of coffee. I listened to him for awhile and I appreciated what he said. Instead of telling me all the dreadful consequences of cigarette smoking he shared with me all the good that came from quitting. I liked that approach.

I went home and that night I had a dream that I quit smoking. When I woke up the next morning I quit. I vowed, "I will never smoke again." Of course I had no idea it would be the first day of the next seven years without a cigarette, but I actually quit that day and haven't smoked since.

When a day would come that went all wrong and everything within me cried out for a cigarette I'd call nicotine anonymous and talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through. Talking to an ex smoker is the one thing that helped me the most.

I remember calling my mom on the phone every time I'd decide to quit. "Hey, mom, guess what? I haven't had a cigarette all day." She was always very proud of me. And then I would get all upset over some irrational nothing and swear the only relief to my problem was a cigarette. Then I'd call my mom again, "Guess what mom? I had a cigarette."

She would say the same thing to me every time, "Never quit quitting. One of these times it will be the last time." And she was right.

Not long ago I ran into my old college roommate and I told her all about that nasty habit she got me started on. She replied she hadn't had a cigarette since college. "Good for you," I said. And I meant it.

Learn more about this author, Lacy Enderson.
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