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If there is a modern-day equivalent of "The Gong Show" - a motley collection of acts ranging from fairly entertaining to utterly ridiculous - it's "America's Got Talent." Though it might make for a few grins or grimaces, it's difficult to take seriously either way.

Besides the array of jugglers, dog acts, terrible dance teams, magicians and other court jesters, there are the three judges - only one of whom seems in any way qualified to judge talent.

Sharon Osbourne did, in fact, establish one of the most successful package tours of all time with Ozzfest, and she discovered and signed more than a few bands who went on to multi-platinum success. She was also the brains behind the wildly successful "The Osbournes" series on MTV. Clearly, she at least has some idea of what "entertainment" is about.

At the same time, her most qualified neighbor on the judging panel is Piers Morgan, best known as a reality TV show judge - something that takes no talent at all. But his background is in tabloid newspapers. In fact, many credit him with creating the papparazzi craze and turning tabloids into vessels used to invade privacy. He was fired from several top-level tabloid jobs amid a variety of scandals - including authorizing the publication of faked photos that showed British military personnel abusing prisoners.

The third and final judge is David Hasselhoff, whose claims to fame include a show with a crime-solving talking car, a show focused on girls running in bathing suits, and a very successful music career - but only in Germany. His biggest hit, "Looking for Freedom," includes the less-than-Tom-Waits-esque lyrics:

"I paid a lotta dues, had plenty to lose
Travelling across the land
Worked on a farm, got some muscle in my arm
But still I'm not a self-made man."

Last year, he became an almost-household name again when a home video of a shirtless, bleary-eyed, drunken Hasselhoff manhandling a cheeseburger while sprawled on his carpet surfaced on the Internet. This brought sympathy from many, who saw the video as a cry for help. But it also put a spotlight on his judgement - something he's supposed to have an abundance of as a major network reality series judge.

While "American Idol" winners have gone on to high spots on the charts, the list of finalists for "America's Got Talent" have been less than elite. In its first season, the show included a 73-year-old rapping granny, a yodelist, a juggling act, and a clogging group among its 10 finalists. In its more recent season, a ventriloquist brought home the top prize.

I understand the need for variety, and I know that the show is reaching out to those beyond just singers, but I really don't want to see plate spinners or my neighbor, who is really good at skipping rocks, on prime time television. Besides, seven of the show's Top 10 this year were singers.

Learn more about this author, Todd Christian.
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