by Sahar Khan

Created on: March 13, 2008

It didn't take me long to realize that in all of my life, more than half of the things I say will be left unheard. And of the things that have been heard, more than half of those would not be understood. Being only sixteen years of age, this was quiet a dilemma for me as I previously was of the impression that the whole world had nothing better to do than to revolve around me and my every single wish. I tried so hard to deal with this fact but a little voice inside of me yearned for acknowledgment and pined for recognition. I knew it was time to do some soul searching and come up with an alternate way to feel good about myself and make others notice me.

I was never considered the smart one and coming from a family that basically took smarts into account, this was a sharp blow to my self esteem. Also, being the youngest of two siblings, I often felt that I was only destined to be in the shadow of my older and over-achieving of a brother. The things I would do just wouldn't be good enough for anyone because he had already been through the process of trying new things and being amazing at them, it was considered to be my duty and something that came naturally to me to be able to do all the things I did.

I think a lot of people would agree with me when I say that familial expectations in some situations do more bad than they do good, and for a long time, I was a firm believer of that. I had and still do to an extent problems with authority and my most vivid childhood memory is a horrific one. I was in grade 2, sitting way at the back of my classroom when my teacher approached me with a look so vicious in her eyes that it made me cringe then and there. This wasn't the first time I was singled out in class but this surely was the first time it was done with so much passion.

My teacher looked me straight in the eyes and told me that I was too stupid for the normal grade 2 class and that my writing skills were - and i quote- "atrocious". I think she deliberately used that word because she knew I had no idea what it meant. She suggested to place me in special ed with all the other kids "that demand the attention that you do". And then she went on and told me that I probably wouldn't get accepted even in the special ed for Grade 2 so I might as well opt for Grade 1 all over.

I had never been so humiliated in my life and I believed each and every word that came out of her mouth. I now know that I shouldn't have, it would have probably spared me some tears and swear words

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