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it back. I was very confused because that made no sense nor did his urgency. We began searching the site screaming his name, then Ken asked if I thought he might have fallen into the waste pit. My replied suddenly filled with a deep panic asking "What waste pit?". I was standing right next to an area with scum on the ground, maybe a foot from me. He quickly explained that the scum was the only indication that there were six feet of waste underneath. There were no safety signs of any sort, not even a yellow caution tape. To this day I know I had no way of knowing the pit was so unsafe due to the scum covering six feet of poison, and I also had unconditional love trusting my husband would never put his family in danger. He then pointed to an indention on the edge of the scum, asking me if I thought it was Eric's footprint. As I was in extreme shock by then, I urged him to jump in and find him, and he immediately did. Our five year old son that I had breast fed for the first year of his life, who slept since his birth while I spent countless hours watching him marveling at the miracle of life and praising God for giving me a body that could produce such a magnificent wonder. Simply put - my firstborn had died the chemicals poisoning his little body. They had killed him before he could drown.

I didn't lose the child I was carrying although he was born nine weeks early. We divorced eleven months later, after seeking counseling and trying to make it work. Last year when I was going through my own health issues and was very close to death I was able to finally forgive him for taking our beautiful son on the job-site and not watching him. I am thankful that I did because he passed away in November, after many months of suffering with liver disease that had resulted in a transplant that couldn't save his life. He had spent the last year of his life in such intense pain that the medication required to help him mend affected his mind so he didn't know who his children were for the last six months of his life.

I know I never grieved with dignity nor did I want to. There were months spent sobbing with such an abandonment that I could be heard on the next block. I was angry at everyone, especially parents with healthy five year old sons that were alive. I can't imagine repeating those days , it was so painful that there is no way that sort of pain can be dignified. I deal with it by remembering all the great things about Eric, but at Easter 23 years later it is as if it were yesterday. I learned that Ken dealt with it by refusing to let any of his family ever mention Eric's name again. I in turn remember that child every day and have made sure his brothers and sister know how blessed we were to have an angel drop in on our lives for a precious and memorable five years.

Learn more about this author, Sharron Moore.
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