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Discussion Board. I pursued that like it was my life's commitment. I hope I helped grieving people. I know they helped me. But there was a parting of the ways that left me feeling shell-shocked and hurt. Still, it was a very good place to get healed, and to help others heal.

So after that, I guess you could say I've been in the hallway. My teenage daughter put us through a wild and woolly time her last years at home. Both of my dads died- my biological dad, Lonnie, and my step-dad, Sam, (my dad since I was 7.) That left me as the primary caregiver for my mom, who is elderly and not well. So you don't have to wonder what I've been doing for the last almost 3 years. But I am glad to do it, and I have decided that as long as she is here, I will devote myself to her, and see that she has the best possible care. It has been a time of bonding that never would have happened any other way, I guess. It has also been the most difficult time of my life, with the exception of the 15 years spent raising my strong-willed daughter. (We adopted her at 3.) That's also another story. She is on her own right now, and seems to be doing better. She has many good qualities, and a Christian upbringing. (In time, I am sure she will find her way, as we all eventually do.) She's a very talented girl, and she sings beautifully. (She's my babygirl always!)

So about the hallway that I find myself in. It's hell in the hallway, as Jentezen said, but it's even worse if you fight the process. What I'm learning, is to be content in whatever situation I find myself. It's a lot easier to ride the waves, than to wrestle them. Change is a necessary part of life.

I told my counselor that I had always wanted to be somebody, and that I felt like a failure, since I didn't have a career (or even a job for awhile.) She laughed and said I was somebody, and that anyone can work at Walmart (not putting Walmart down at all.) She just pointed out that I have had the opportunity in my life to do some unique, creative things. Like right now, I am doing some freelance writing, and I absolutely adore writing. It's funny, when I was in college and took those job interests tests, mine always came back that I was interested in being in the clergy, a photographer, a writer, or something in the arts. I just have never found my place in the 9 to 5 world for long. (But I know I have been blessed, because so many people face that world daily, in order to eat and pay rent.) I have been there, and I understand.

So...here I am in the hallway. A 3 year hallway-where one door has closed, and another one has-stayed shut. But hey, the hallway's not so bad, once you get used to it...

Learn more about this author, Lonnette Harrell.
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