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When someone you love dies, there is absolutely nothing you can hear that will make you feel better. We, being human, are selfish and all we really want is for that person to be here. When we love someone who is grieving, the best thing that can be done is simply listening and being there. Here is how you can help someone work through the grieving process.

Say Nothing

It is so true that silence is golden. This is particularly true with death because the grieving person has hundreds of memories and ideas flooding his mind. The last thing they need is input. Eventually,when the person is ready, they will talk about it and that is when you can feel free to offer input. Until that moment though, silence is the best gift.

Do Something Nice
Housework is daunting when grieving. When someone has been dealt a loss, simply do some housework for them. Dishes, vacuuming, even laundry are the last things on our mind when we have lost a loved one. Making food is a huge condolence for many cultures. The best thing to make is something that can be frozen and reheated later when the person gets their appetite back.

Listen and Don't Take the Anger Personal
When we lost my uncle, my grandmother was very angry. One of the most compassionate things I have ever seen was a family friend throw himself into the line of fire. He went and sat in the limo to offer condolences to my grandmother who began an angry and fiery rant. It had nothing to do with him, it was directed to the nothing source that we have to blame in death because there truly is no one to blame. She finished and he simply said, "thank you." She appeared to be in a better place after that. The anger they feel is usually directed at those closest, but the best thing to do is wear a tough skin and simply listen.

Agree
I think the one of the most horrible things you can say is that the person is in a better place, that you know how they feel, or that you will see them again some day. While many of us believe in these ideas, they rarely will make it better. being told that you will see your grandfather again someday when you are only 7-years-old does not make it better. After doing the math it is quite depressing. In the end, what we would want the most is to have that person on earth healthy and happy with us.

Don't Assume They Are Fine
I truly believe that people are innately good. They want to make others feel good. A person who is grieving may be suppressing their feelings for your benefit, so don't assume a calm demeanor implies they are fine. People deal with death in different ways. Those familiar with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross know that there are various stages of grief. It is a complex web of emotions that the grieving member can go through at any time. Check in with the person often because it can take a while for the shock to wear off and the emotions to flood the psyche.

Death is one of the most difficult stresses a person can face and it is also inevitable at some point in all of our lives. It is difficult to watch someone grieve, you don't have to feel helpless. There are simple actions you can make to help your loved one work through their grief and move on at their own pace.

Learn more about this author, Vivian Nelson Melle.
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