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While some may see dependence as a loving or romantic gesture, I see it more as a needy, clingy and suffocating way to live that is closer to parasitic than loving. I don't think it's healthy or in anyones best interest to be dependent on anything or anyone much less your partner. However, I do believe you should always be able to depend on them.

To depend on someone means that you are able to rely on them. It means that you can count on them and it involves a level of trust. You trust them to help out or to be there. You may depend/rely on your partner to check the mail, pick up the kids or listen attentively.

However, to be dependent on them means that you're unable to do without them, and that isn't a situation I would recommend for anyone. Or anyone that wishes to be happy for any length of time.

Most of us don't mind being depended on, and it's a good thing that we don't because people depend on us every single day both personally and professionally and for any number of reasons. However very few of us want anyone, even those we love to be dependent on us for anything.

Being dependent doesn't involve trust or reliability. It's something we cannot provide for ourselves so we are dependent on something or someone to do it for us - that would render us helpless would it not?

Another definition is that of a child. Children are considered dependents. I can't think of too many adults in relationships that want to be considered the child, or child-like in that relationship with their partners.

Here is a silly but effective picture. Imagine for a moment that you and your partner had to hold hands for 48 hours without letting go. In that time span each of you would learn what you could do for the other to make things easier for them. You would learn to depend (rely, trust) one another to navigate through everyday living situations and difficulties during this temporary obstacle.

Now imagine a similar scenario except this time you and your partner are permanently joined together sharing the same circulatory system. In this circumstance you are dependent on each other to live, not just depending on each other for help. In addition to depending on one another as in the earlier example to help each other out, you are now dependent on one another because you share the same circulatory system. If one of you dies, the other shall soon follow as each one's survival is dependent on the other. You would be incapable of living separate from your partner. I don't know about you, but I don't want my existence dependent on anyone or anything nor do I want anyone else's existence to be dependent upon me.

In the beginning of a relationship if one person starts to become dependent on the other, usually neither person realizes it at the time. The dependent person feels as though they just need a little help to get over a rough patch. After a while if they aren't able to work through their rough patch and start standing on their own two feet, it can leave their partner feeling drained and exhausted.

In my southern opinion if you find yourself to be a dependent person you should go straight to your nearest therapist. Do not pass go - Do not collect $200. Hopefully you can then learn that it's OK to depend on others but to be dependent only on yourself. Life is stressful and draining enough without those we love and are the closest to being the ones that drain and deplete us the most.

Learn more about this author, Michelle M Bartlett.
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