by Debbie Robus

Created on: March 08, 2008

Some of the best mourning is done with a touch of humor. I am reminded of the recent memorial service for my friends' mother... a vibrant 69-year-old woman whose life was cut short by a lengthy illness. One of the first comments made by the pastor - who was also her close friend - was "I knew Mary was a really special person because she liked me, and anybody who likes ME has to be somebody special!" That broke the ice and gave a gentle levity to the rest of the remarks and the service in general. Mourning often includes joyful, light-hearted recollections of the deceased... and that in itself is a credit to the person we mourn. It would be a sad thing to thing that nothing happy or humorous could be related about a person after their passing. It would be as if to say, "There was nothing joyful in his/her life."

While arguably my perspective is colored by my Christian faith and my confidence that death is not the end, I do believe that humor is an integral part of the mourning process. After the service for my friends' mother, I was relating to a childhood friend and neighbor all of the details of the service... who was there, what was sung, what was said. I told her of the countless people I saw and the conversations we had... people from our childhood, high school classmates, even friends and neighbors who live in our small community but I don't see often. She said, "My gosh, Debbie... this was quite the social event!" And I agreed with her.

Several years ago, my brother had returned to live with my parents after living several decades in Los Angeles. He attended the funeral of an elderly distant relative, and afterward he expressed embarrassment to my mother, because "everyone was visiting and laughing and carrying on like it was a big party." My mother told him that, in essence, it WAS! He gradually began to realize the significance of this in our "community makeup" and how important it is for those who knew and loved someone among us to come together and talk, hug, share, and yes - laugh. It SHOULD be a time to celebrate the LIFE of the deceased... and hopefully the next phase of their life in Eternity.

I am not saying that it is inappropriate to be sad and to cry and mourn. Most certainly grief is important... and tears are extremely cleansing. I have shed my own bucketfuls on more than one occasion. But I am reminded of the death of my dear cousin, who was only 59 when he succumbed to a congenital liver disease. In the hours and days after his passing,

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