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If you want to know how to do something, ask an expert. And what does it take to become an expert at something? - Lots and lots of failure. So I'm the gal to ask about making friendships. As I think about it, that's not entirely true. I've been pretty good at making friends through the years it's keeping them where I trip up. So these are some of the ideas that my many friendship failures have taught me:

In order to make a friend, it's important to understand a little about what you expect from a friendship. Are you looking for someone to tell your troubles to, or someone who you can share equally the ups and downs of life? Be careful not to over-analyze things. We can think our way right out of a friendship if we're not careful.

The world is full of people seeking friendships of all kinds. Authenticity is what speaks truth to us. We are naturally attracted to people who are really comfortable in their own skin. So turn that around in your mind. If you want to make friends, learn to be really comfortable in your own skin. People will be drawn to you and then you can initiate or pursue people who you would like to call friends.

Relax, and be yourself. Don't try to be what you think another person is looking for in a friend. You may be able to fake your way through being what you think is their perfect friend for a while, but eventually the truth will come out - perfection is a hard facade to keep up. If you being you isn't enough for someone, then maybe they're not the right friend for you. But never sacrifice who you are, what you believe in, and most importantly your integrity to try and make a friend. It's never worth it.

It's important to be a good listener. Many of us are good in the beginning, but as a relationship progresses, we often go into automatic pilot and forget to be conscious and present mentally and emotionally around that person, especially if they are talking about something we really have no interest in.

Most friendships happen rather serendipitously (that's my new favorite word). We usually aren't even looking for friendship, and then voila, 10 years later hardly remember how it all started. But if you are shy, or have difficulty making new friends, the most important thing you can do is learn to be a friend to yourself. Once you like yourself, others will like you too.

Depending on your age and circumstance, there are different places to find friends. If you are an adult, many on-line sites can help to link people of like mind together. Or gyms, social clubs, or volunteering at a non-profit organization, etc. If you are not yet a teenager, or are under 18, the Internet is not such a good place to find friends. As fabulous as the Internet is, there is so much deception going on in cyberspace that can lead to big trouble. So getting involved in extra curricular activities at school, or joining a church group to find friends is a much healthier and safe way to go.

Always remember that friendship is a two way street, so whatever you expect from a friendship, you must be willing and able to give back as well. In fact, when someone's main purpose for friendship is to make another happy, those friendships usually stand the test of time and enrich the lives of both.

Learn more about this author, Janonda.
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