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pretend was merely an accident. For something a little cheekier, don't be afraid to be vocal, in a subtle way that is. Most people are conscious of the slightest noise made in a library and can become embarrassed if they create a sound, like their shoes squeaking on the tiled floor or an uncontrollable sneeze or cough. In order to annoy the embarrassed patron, make the most of their discomfort and give a forceful "ssshhhh" in their direction when the noise occurs. This can also be aimed at those who shuffle pages loudly, scrape chairs when rising and sitting or who make the mistake of wearing high heels in to a library.

There are several more extravagant means of annoying your fellow library patrons. The presumption when discussing these is that the only reason one visits the library is to annoy people, not to study or better oneself. These techniques take time, effort and patience, and are not for the weak-willed, so be warned! Firstly, you must choose your victim (preferably not someone who is big enough to beat you up too badly or someone who looks like they might carry mace, as this following annoyance tactic could be misconstrued as stalking). Once you have your victim in sight, follow them, subtly of course. If your fellow patron realises you are following them, simply move your eyes towards the book shelves or pick up a book to send them off the scent. Once they resume their book search, continue with your stalker-like act. This might be enough to annoy the library user; however, you can take it a step further. This time, you'll need to stay close to your victim. Continue to follow them from a distance or stand near them if they are stationery. As your victim reaches for a book, quickly pull it from the shelf before they do. For maximum annoyance, walk away immediately, look as though you are contemplating the book, and then discard it on a nearby shelf, making sure that they see you doing this. Just think of how much fun you'll have seeing them huffing their way down the aisle to retrieve the stolen book. This technique can easily backfire on even the most experienced of pranksters, but rest assured, you can pull it back and evoke extreme annoyance. If your fellow patron asks for the book you have picked up or seeks an explanation as to why you took it when it was obvious that they were about to pick it up, simply say in a loud and clear voice "No, I'm sorry. I do NOT know where the pornography section is", before walking away with an expression of shock on your face. If this doesn't send a number of odd stares, sniggers or frowns their way, nothing will.

Thus, there you have it- The top ten user-friendly ways to annoy your fellow library patrons. Surely, they will provide you with hours of entertainment in amongst the books and people in your local bibliotheque. Good luck and have fun!

Learn more about this author, Michelle Harper Davies.
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