by Sandra Douglas

Created on: March 05, 2008

I revealed a secret once, a piece of information told to me by a friend in confidence. I didn't mean to. I just didn't realize the issue was private. What was so obviously private information to my friend was very commonplace to me. I thought nothing of repeating the information, and to prove it, I thought nothing of going back to my friend and saying that I had told the information. Ouch! I thought our friendship was over. Thankfully, time has a way of smoothing the edges of our mistakes.

The quickest way to kill a friendship is to break trust, that unspoken oath we swear upon cementing a friendship with one another. Friendships are built on the values of trust, loyalty, and honesty. We expect our friends to be honest with us at all times. Secrets are sacred and to be held until the end of time. What we tell our friends in confidence we expect will stay in confidence. We ask much of our friendships.

Honesty is a huge burden to carry. It is a sign of trust in your friend to share something you wouldn't want anyone else to know. It is a sign of trust and an honor to be told something by another.

There are four variations of trust in a friendship. By examining the ways in which we trust and are trusted, we learn something of why maintaining trust is a cornerstone of friendship.

First, is the trust you place in a friend by revealing truths about yourself that you want kept secret. This could be something about your past that you are not proud of, or an opinion that you have that would not be acceptable in the world at large. You trust your friend to not only keep the information private, but also that your friend will still love you, even if they know the truth about you.

When we choose to reveal something about ourselves, we trust not only that the person won't repeat it, but also we want to believe that our friendship will always remain as strong as it is today. The sad fact is that friendships change, evolve, and sometimes end. They don't have to end with drama or emotion. Sometimes they end because of a move, a new job, a marriage, or a divorce. Before you divulge your darkest secrets to another, consider if you will want this person to have this information about you for the rest of your life.

Second is the trust your friend places in you by revealing the darkest secrets and expecting that you will never tell. Sometimes, the burden of truth is so heavy, that simply knowing the secret is too much for the friendship to bear.

One of my closest friends from college

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