by Mark Richert

Created on: March 05, 2008   Last Updated: June 09, 2008

I like to think of myself as a good listener. I'd like to think that I am good dealing with my son because I am such a gifted communicator. But when I see the problems other parents have with their kids, when I hear the stories of yelling and screaming, fighting and running away, then I think...I'm just lucky. Lucky that God has given me such a well behaved son.

I know this article is about Father / Son communication, but to understand my intentions with my son, you have to understand what I went through with my daughter. I'll try to be brief. "Susie" is actually my step daughter, but we don't ever say that. She was four when I started dating her mother. Within two weeks she started calling me daddy, and nothing we did could make her stop. I did marry her mother, and became her daddy. She was a strong willed child that had her mom wrapped around her finger, but she wanted to please me more than anything. All mom had to do was mention that I was going to know about her bad behavior and she would stop, cry, and beg that I not be told.

This was great for a while, but over time, the fear of my disappointment was no longer enough to dissuade her from wrong doing. Eventually, she shifted from a desire to please me to a fear of me (this I learned years later). When Susie was eight years old, she became a big sister with the birth of "Aaron". She loved the role, and this helped for a while, but as she became a teen, it even became a struggle to establish who Aaron should be listening to because Susie wanted to be in control.

This all came to a head when she was fourteen. Every rule we had in the house was made to protect her, yet to her we were mean, uncaring, and wanted the worst for her. This all ended with almost a complete relinquishing of authority and a tear filled declaration on my part that I would rather she have no rules at all if they were going to drive a wedge between us and our love for each other. That was the breakthrough. I ripped up the rules and she began to see that we did these things out of love.

OK take a breath...we still have a son to talk about!

This was the background from which I approached my relationship with Aaron. I wanted to make sure that he knew I was on his side. I wanted to raise him to be respectful of his parents, his grandparents, his teachers, and all adults. I wanted to avoid conflict so that he knew I loved him and everything I did was for his good. And I wanted to teach him how to be an honorable, respectable, God fearing

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