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Super delegates may play a crucial role in the current Democratic party presidential nomination and the subsequent election, which leads to the questions: Who are the super delegates? And how does one get to be a super delegate? A comedic look at these important questions can be a nice way to take a break during a serious election process. Can the super delegates vote faster than a speeding chad, and are they able to leap tall voting venues in a single bound? Do they have x-ray vision (to see into voting booths, so the little curtain becomes unnecessary)? Are they all super sized, having snacked on too many McBurgers, shakes and fries? Do they have superpowers representing their home state, such as super triple Texas two steppers or New York state of mind readers? And who chose the super delegates? The super duper delegates?

I've heard that in order to be a super delegate, one must have graduated "summa cum laude" from an ivy league electoral college.One must also have superior skills in at least two of the following: ballroom dancing, mud wrestling, bikini waxing, piloting a twin engine Cessna, and boldly going where no man (or woman) has gone before. I often wonder if the regular delegates suffer from inferiority complexes because everyone knows that they are not, in fact, "super", but mere mortals with regular powers of representation.

How will we know a super delegate if we see one? Are they super-snappy dressers or do they opt for the standard skin-tight unitard and cape? Are they average looking citizens like the leads on Heroes, or do they handsomely stand out in a crowd? Do they wear fancy bling, as long as it isn't made of kryptonite? Do they use their superior powers selfishly, for their individual special interests, or to save citizens at risk of foreclosure on their mortgages and others with no health insurance? Do they represent only those citizens who are similar to them, or do they represent both the powerful and the powerless peoples among us. Whoever they are, if the super delegates have so much power in the coming electoral process, I want to see a personal resume first. I want a chance to vote for the super delegates, before the super delegates do the voting for me.

Learn more about this author, Dana Jaffe.
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