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Imagine: you are in a brand new place. You don't speak the language. In fact you cannot speak at all. You can cry. You can not move. You can not do anything for yourself except possibly stand. You can't walk over to what you want and even if you could walk or crawl to it, chances are you cannot use it effectively.

You depend on the creatures who live with you, and you must communicate your needs by crying.

The key word here is "needs". When a baby cries, he is not trying to manipulate you. He doesn't know such a complex idea yet. You also cannot "spoil" him by giving him love and affection. You can spoil him by giving him too many material things, not too much love and support.

If, by maybe 9-12 months old (because your child's sleeping habits will probably change 2 or 3 times before that), the baby still is not sleeping through the night, you may want to try a method, or two, or three, to get him to sleep. Some of these methods include small periods of crying, some try to avoid any distress at all. But even some of the methods that promote "crying it out" say that if your child *needs* something, such as relief from sickness or teething, it is wrong to let that child cry.

Every parent knows that one cannot feel the pain and frustration of losing sleep and dealing with a crying baby in the middle of the night unless you've actually done it. If you're feeling this unique feeling of despair, it's always better to leave the room and let your baby cry than to stay and risk losing it. But it is never necessary to leave your child alone all night to cry.

It's important to teach your child how to sleep. They don't know. They were lulled into their own schedule when they were in the womb. When they come out, they likely have their days and nights switched. This is the first stepping stone in the long road of teaching your child when and when not to sleep. Routines, comfort, and lots of support can help you on your way much better than enduring the heartache (on both ends) of letting a baby cry.

Of course it all comes down to what works for you and your family. If it works for you to leave your baby alone in his room to work through his sleep issues before you've taught him how, by all means, don't let this stop you.

Follow your own instincts-and this is an important point too. If what you're doing feels at all wrong in your heart, don't do it because your parents told you to, or your friends told you to, or a book told you to. Do what feels right.

Learn more about this author, Kate S..
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