by Sandra Douglas

Created on: March 04, 2008

Are you dealing with a passive-aggressive friendship, or wondering if you have one but aren't quite sure? Or perhaps someone called you passive-aggressive and you want to know what it means. The truth is, we all exhibit passive-aggressive behavior at some point in our lives. It becomes a problem when it we use it as a routine coping mechanism to deal with anger.

Asserting control while avoiding confrontation is the hallmark of a passive-aggressive person. Frequently, passive-aggressive behavior is experienced in families with over-bearing or alcoholic parents. The passive-aggressive person is expressing anger while trying to avoid confrontation and maintain control over others.

They are not honest in their communications, verbally agreeing when they actually disagree. Ask your passive-aggressive friend if he is angry, he will say no, then hide or destroy something of value to you in retaliation. This gives him the feeling of superiority and revenge without having to face you directly and discuss the issue.

Passive aggressive behavior is controlling and manipulative. The passive-aggressive is asserting control over a situation by using passive action. For example, if you ask a friend for a favor but they don't want to do it, they will say yes to avoid a confrontation, but then forget or be so late that doing what they agreed is impossible.

The passive-aggressive personality may not even realize what they are doing. It is subconscious. If you become upset at a behavior, your friend won't understand why you are so upset and feel that you are picking on them.

Having a passive-aggressive friend is a constant battle of emotions. You may not even realize you have such a friend at first. This is a friend who constantly reneges on promises, undermines your plans, and routinely disappoints you. If you try to confront your friend on the behavior, there will be denials of any wrongdoing. They will become defensive and angry, even to the point of defending themselves to others at your expense.

If you find yourself in a friendship with a passive-aggressive person there are several ways to deal with them.

A. You can abandon the friendship. If dealing with the passive-aggressive friend requires more emotion and effort than you are willing to expend, then end the relationship.

B. You can react with anger. It's a natural to want to lash out at someone who has hurt you. Going on the attack and shouting at your friend may help you feel better, but it's not going to help your friend or

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>