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Friendship is rare and precious. People often confuse the gaiety of a good time with friendship. Really, friendship is only truly understood in the darkness. The true friend is the one you can call in the middle of the night if you need to. A true friend will be the one who envelops you, even on those cold nights where each of us faces the darkness alone.

It seems well understood worldwide that perhaps only three or four true friends will enter our lives, grow with us on our journey, and still be there at our end. You see true friendship is born from a need and desire, and usually the recognition of some aspect of ourself in the friends we surround ourselves with.

We choose friends with the qualities we admire in ourselves. Personally its strength, compassion, spirituality and determination. I choose to surround myself with people that can challenge my thoughts and ideas. I like to be challenged in this way, and its wonderful to have a relationship which allows you both to grow in this way over a glass of wine or coffee. It really is food for the soul when you choose your friendships well.

The problem is it seems to take so long to learn the lessons which allow ourselves to choose our friends well. There are times when we have to recognize that we have moved away from common interests, and we fade to a name on a dusty Christmas card list. The affection is still there, but the glue which held you together has been left out in the rain too long.

If you start looking at the friendships made along the way, and the reasons for those friendships, you can understand why so few make it to the end. It starts when you have identical Barbies, bags or shoes. It moves on to similar music interests, books, movies, men.
It progresses and grows, each new phase follows a more meaningful gain. Finally we reach the point of true friendship. That absolute balance between friendship and love. We reach the point where that person has such understanding, words are unnecessary. They know when you are sick, or down or just grumpy. They can sense across countries when you need them. They can make you laugh with just a silly face and a poke in the ribs, even when you feel like you can barely stand up for another day.

Friendship makes the world go round. The light is just brighter when we have people we can share our moments of joy and pain with. If we could extend our compassion further, and learn to recognize the same elements in other people perhaps our world would be a calmer place. If everyone had a friend who knew when they were sad, wouldn't the world be lifted somewhat.

Sometimes friendship is about taking risks. Putting yourself out there, regardless of consequence in all your glory. Its a bit like running through the street naked. You would feel exposed, vulnerable and slightly insane. Making new friends is a bit like that. Sometimes you just have to take the risks to reap the benefits - but then that's life all over isn't it?

Learn more about this author, Clair Clothier.
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