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"The only way to have a friend is to be one."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

According to your personality and background, making friends may or may not come naturally to you. Growing up I had a genuine caring for people, but I was very shy. I honestly didn't know there were techniques to making friends that a person could learn regardless to their personalities.

There's more than one way to go about making new friends, but here are a few things that can help:

1) Start with small actions.

If you're uncomfortable or awkward with long conversations with people, start by just saying hi and asking how the person is doing. Even if you do more listening on the beginning than talking, people will usually still appreciate your company.

2) When it comes to conversations, remember "F.O.R."

This stands for family, occupation, and recreation. These are the three topics that you're most likely going to be asked about when you meet someone new and what most people feel comfortable talking about. The great thing is these are also three areas where you may relate with someone new.

3) Give compliments.

With guys it's going to be a little different, but I've found a good conversation starter with another woman is something like, "That's a beautiful necklace. Where did you get it?"

Another example is if a classmate or coworker gets an award, stop by and congratulate them.

4) (Really) Listen to people.

Unless you really know to focus on this, you'll notice that most of the time people do more talking than listening. Part of being a good friend is listening to the good and the bad going on in someone else's life.

It's important to remember you don't have to give a solution to anyone's problems to be their friend. A lot of times people just need someone to talk with about a situation and empathize with them.

5) Give friendships time to develop.

Overall, it's more likely that a good friendship will develop over the course of months and years than it will over a few conversations. I've seen sometimes where a person wants a friend but tries to force the issue, which can actually repel people if it keeps happening.

6) Be yourself.

You don't want to be in a friendship that's based on you being someone that you're not. There are plenty of people out there who will like you for who you are if you give yourself a chance.

Lastly, if you want more information on this there are a lot of people skill books available in bookstores and your public library. It didn't happen overnight, but I went from being very shy to being very comfortable talking with people. I've even had people who didn't know me in high school not believe me when I've told them I was shy.

It takes some effort, but the reward is worth it. Just don't let fear or anxiety keep you from having a good life. I believe everyone deserves to have a great group of friends to go through life with. Good luck and best wishes to you!

Learn more about this author, Patricia Gilliam.
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