by Summayyah Sadiq-Ojibara

Created on: March 04, 2008

It is quite puzzling to find long debates for and against polygamy.

From a woman's perspective, quite naturally not many women are keen to share their man, good or bad. This reluctance is expressed in varying ways and degrees, from outright rejection, to deep hatred, to dislike and other bizarre ways. Even when women know and understand the concept of polygamy in Islaam, it does not make it any easier to accept.

This is corroborated in various reported episodes of jealousies among the wives of the noble Prophet of Islaam, which sometime reared its head.

These evidences as related in some Ahadeeth (sayings and actions of Prophet Muhammed) of the Prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) shows that mothers of the believers or not, these wives were human not super natural beings and healthy women with blood flowing in their veins who felt the pressure of sharing every now and then!

However when a man wonders about the concept, it becomes somewhat of a surprise because, research and experience shows that the average man is polygamous by nature.

Exploring that nature is however another matter entirely. Some look and look away, leaving it as fantasies never to be realized; while some look and eat in small harmless bites'. Many look, eat voraciously and too much and end up with tummy upset or worse become obese!

Hence, men who are visual creatures can like, fall in love and indeed lust after more than one woman at a time. For women, it is the other way round. A woman loves with her heart and does not find it easy to love more than one at a time. Of course, as always, there are exceptions to the rule that breaks out of the mould.

Men know this and so do many women too, yet many prefer to hide behind the hypocrisy of conceived concepts that makes it acceptable for a man to have polygamous relationships outside his matrimonial home.

Thus it becomes romantic' for a woman to be a girlfriend' mistress' one of the wild oats' side dish' and other creative descriptions rather than become a respectable second, third or fourth wife. It becomes enchanting' to have love children' outside wedlock who through no fault of theirs are sadly denied the legacies of a family name.

A lot of reasons have been given to justify why Islaam allows polygamy, some of which includes balancing the ratios such that more women would have a shot at matrimony rather than waiting on the sidelines because all the men, and not just the good ones have been taken!

The most striking and justifiable reason for Islaam's allowance of polygamy is that, polygamy conforms with man's natural instinct for more than one woman.

Islaam is a Deen; a way of life, which redirects man's innate personality to goodness as such the allowance for polygamy is given with solid conditions.

Any man who is sincere and seeks true pleasure and submission to Allaah, will not rush into polygamy because of the conditions. These conditions require fair and equitable management of a polygamous home irrespective of which of the wives has most of his heart

If a man does go into it, it is with full consciousness of the challenges and deep sense of responsibility.

The way and manner polygamy is practiced should not be used as a measure of success or otherwise of Islaam a religion of truth as each individual must take responsibility for their roles in the whole process.

Islaam has put the structure in place, the ideal as a model what remains is how the allowance is utilized, maximized or abused.

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