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sexually transmitted debt. My heart is heavy with love and survival, protection and sorrow. My heart wants to break and my lungs want to cry for breath. My heart bleeds with a need to make it better for my child with Aspergers.

Tomorrow will be different. He will awaken happily, feed his mice, and go off to school with a smile and a kiss. But me? I will remember. I will WRONGLY remember that:

he hates me,
that I am a bad mother,
that I was driven to distraction and found solace in the privacy of my bedroom while I banged my head against the brick wall, and
that living with Autism is isolating and draining.

By the time I recover from my self-pity, I will remember that other parents live with this daily too. I will pick him up from his wonderfully supportive school and await his cheery approach, but, he will have turned again. He will be solemn, dogmatic and obsessive. He will be accusing everyone of being a liar. He will refuse to go to school again. I will drive home in silence and when I enter the front door of our castle, I will look pleadingly at my partner and my eyes will soul "please don't leave us."

I am at times desperate. I get tired. I am the mother of a child who has Aspergers and I live this every single day! Thank goodness for him though. I wouldn't have him any other way. He's very special and I am proud to be his parent. I love him. I will do whatever it takes to improve quality of life for him and I will live with Autism because that is the serving that I have been given.

Learn more about this author, Megan Bayliss.
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